I'm a socially-conscious, environmentally-friendly, ridiculously geeky writer and crafter living in the San Francisco Bay Area. I deal with a lot of health issues which I sometimes post information about. I am Pagan...ish? And work with spirits. I'm in a LTR, I'm kitty mom to the hairy guy in my icon, have a huge weakness for cute things and may or may not secretly be a member of the Addams family.
The Android app Whisper, which allows people to anonymously post their secrets, looks like a great idea. And it really has yielded a few hilarious and thought-provoking gems. I even met a fellow writer on there, and we have had a few nice conversations. So why did I find myself deleting Whisper from my phone during my lunch break, after two weeks of curiosity-seeking?
Two words: thirsty men.
To those not familiar with the term, “thirsty” is a Whisperism for single-mindedly horny men who are on Whisper for sex, treating the place like a Grindr style hookup site no matter what the post they respond to is talking about. Think that you’re in a place where you can write about how ridiculously you spoil your cat? Don’t let on that you’re female or you will end up with several of these very special individuals asking if they can pound your pussy. Mention you love your husband, and they’ll ask you how exclusive your marriage is. Mention you like role-playing games and they’ll ask if you have a naughty nurse costume at home. And so on. And so on, with all the repulsiveness, disrespect and obnoxious persistence of horny barflies at closing time. It’s the kind of treatment that could put a woman off sex for days—but explaining this may well lead to an explosion of verbal viciousness on top of the creepiness. It’s the turd cherry on top of a crap sundae.
Women who come onto Whisper to vent or chatter end up being jumped on the moment they admit that they are female. The only way to stay safe is to conceal your gender, and even then you usually get at least one or two hopefuls asking after it as a private message reply to anything you post. And then the harrassment starts. Apparently the presence of a female on the site causes these losers to go into a frenzy of “courtship” that far more resembles demanding sexual favors the way small boys demand a cookie. They vary some in persistence, but the worst literally just keep bugging, and bugging, and bugging, ignoring all logic, appropriateness, personal boundaries or general consideration for others—all in the hope that a total stranger who has no reason to be interested in them will finally open her legs. This behavior is the opposite of sexy, but that does not stop these kind of men. Very little does. Many of the several dozen I dealt with in that short span of time persisted past “I’m not interested”, “I’m married”, “You’re giving me the creeps” and even “leave me alone fuckhead”, while at the same time never showing any real interest in who I am outside of the fact that I possess a hoohah and boobies. Not a single one of them seemed to understand or care just how obnoxious, creepy and sometimes borderline scary they were being. I ended up concealing and changing my location and screen name several times to try and see if that would help, but there were always new ones ready to take the place of the ones I blocked, scared off or got away from.
I actually tried to explain to a few of these penisbrains just how disgusting, insulting and unnerving it is to have some strange guy who knows nothing about you pop up and start pestering you for sexual favors. How dehumanizing it is to be treated like your only valuable and defining quality is what is in your undies, and how the guy in question can use it. Nothing else about you, including what you want, whether you have a partner or even your sexual orientation get considered by this thirsty lot. Nor will most of them stop until you either seriously yell at them (which only sometimes works) or block them. This kind of behavior isn’t flirting. It’s treating a fellow human being like a sex dispenser who will give you a free one if you shake and pound on it enough. (Do I even need to mention what a fucking loser you would have to be to even think this approach will work?)
None of them got it. Of six different men I explained this to, four loled, brushed it off and kept hitting on me. Two flew into a rage, reasoning that I was refusing them instant, anonymous, no-strings sex on demand and thus I must be a bitchcunt who needed to go die. Also that I was misandrist. And somehow simultaneously a whore and frigid. And lying about being devoted to one guy for twelve years. Because I wanted to hurt them personally by refusing them sex. The drivel continued after that but I quickly gave up on even following it. I ended up blocking all of them, and then sat back and thought about how in the hell anything about Whisper was worth this garbage.
Answer: it isn’t. It’s not that Whisper isn’t a good app or that good, interesting, non-asshole people don’t hang out on there. It is that Whisper has a really nasty infestation that it needs to deal with before I’m going near it again. Women should be able to post their secrets without having a bunch of sex-obsessed male strangers jumping on them like starving pubic lice.
What finally pushed me over the edge was when I tried to explain this to one of the few guys on there who actually treated me like a person after finding out that I have boobs. I explained how upsetting it is to have to deal with between 4 and 10 creepy assholes PMing me every time I let on I’m a woman. I didn’t come to Whisper for that and I hated having to fend them off. His response when I explained being bombarded like this, how I wasn’t the only one and how it happened so often that I was thinking of leaving the community was, and I quote: “Well, you know, not all guys are like that.”
Because defending the male reputation is so much more important than acknowledging that a whole bunch of men on Whisper are harassing women, and that it needs to stop.
I had the app removed from my phone five minutes later. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll miss it.
being homosexual or bisexual isn’t disgusting. but you know what is disgusting? when a man finds it ok for two girls to be making out or something of the sort just because it makes his dick hard, but when its two girls or, god forbid, two men that are in an actual, well-founded relationship and in love, the man finds that disturbing and immoral and wrong. now thats disgusting.
i hope all the homophobes read this.
"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."